Adam Paxman

All Tooth and Flame He Were

2012-02-13T22:06:00.003Z

I managed to get the first reduction for my newest linocut completed today. I also coloured some odds and ends from my sketchbook, as well as colouring new images for MPGB and TMOFS.

Tomorrow morning I will finish those prints and begin writing a batch of all new characters.

I also need to make a poster for an upcoming local exhibition / gig event.

The above doodle is based on a photograph I took of a mask in my friend's flat.

The Two Meat Hours

2012-02-13T11:27:00.000Z

I have been feeling off it for a good few weeks, what with one thing and another. I seem to be on the mend now, though my sinuses do still make it feel like something large has been wedged uncomfortably up my nose and into my brain with a pool cue.

I went to a Brazilian restaurant with some friends recently, where meat was carried about on swords and sliced to order. It was an amazing experience, yet after cramming ourselves with a wide selection of deliciously spiced animals for what began to feel like a pleasant but increasingly uncomfortable eternity, the phrase, "We've had a good two meat hours" was uttered. Nobody burst but I swear I heard the creaking of seams.

I have a week off and I will get a chance to write, as well as print and draw. I will therefore be adding new characters to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and The Museum of Fragmented Shadows as soon as I can. Beware ye trendies, ye slovenly, ye pernicious varmints and doers of evil, for ye are ripened ready for lambasting and lampooning!

Blog Post 505: Henchmen Doodles

2012-01-30T23:14:00.000Z

Here is part of one of my sketchbook pages, showing two quick development doodles of the villain's henchmen from one of those book projects I mentioned. I'm still playing around with the masks and proportions, though each of the figures will be slightly different. I'm also toying with the idea of using Brechtian storytelling devices, such as functional rather than personal names for certain characters.

Monday Skull Extravaganza Conclusion

2012-01-30T23:08:00.001Z

Here's a wee skull doodle I found whilst leafing through my old sketchbook tonight. I was checking for any Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards images I hadn't scanned or coloured yet. Sure enough, I found a few more to add to the pile. Now I just need to sit down and write them out!

Monday Skull Extravaganza

2012-01-30T23:05:00.000Z

I have also been working at a snail's pace on my recent small linocut. Here is a test print I made a couple of weeks ago. The proper ones are much nicer and will be posted soon!

The Bawdy Puppets Disclaimer

2012-01-30T23:02:00.002Z

I recently started a new sketchbook, entitled XXXIX: Without Further Ado, Ladies & Gentlemen I Present To You Bawdy Puppets! Here is the coloured cover image, a lunchtime scribble of a musty old Punch & Judy marionette. I'm suddenly really in to drawing old puppets, so there's a good chance at least some of the characters in my new book projects may resemble broken down and rotten wooden naughties like this.

Myriad Bescallied Miseries

2012-01-30T22:56:00.003Z

Struck on my tea break this morning by how grim my place of work (a veritable sea of tracksuits) can sometimes seem, I described it to a friend thus:

O this damned dank trench of myriad bescallied miseries; this hovel-mausoleum to human intellect, the human spirit, human goodness and the imagination! Wit is an incomprehensible foreign stranger here, joy a brittle whispered remembrance - tenuous as spiderwebs and intangible as pegasus feathers.

I have been industrious in this latest blogging lull. I have been designing characters and jotting ideas for two lovely new short personal book projects. I will be sharing rough stuff here to show off the design process.

The Thing Being Dug Out

2012-01-23T23:07:00.000Z

Here's the near beginning of the linocut process and the end. Obviously, looking back, I should have included a picture of the linoleum block before I started cutting. Don't worry, those messy bits got cleared away quick smart.

The Thing Dug Out

2012-01-23T23:03:00.001Z

I was invited to be a guest lecturer at a linocut workshop held last Friday morning. I decided to prepare a small example piece to show the students. I produced a set of rushed prints from this first reduction but frankly they weren't up to standard. I therefore spent an hour or so tonight printing the first few of a "proper edition" of these jolly skull linocuts. I'll post more stages in the process as soon as they're dry!

Spot the Difference

2012-01-23T22:58:00.002Z

Yesterday I posted a new tale, the sordid story of Mister Pendleton's randy life in puppetry, to MPGB. I haven't had time to finish any illustrations recently, so instead here are a few photographs. I will post some doodles, sketches and finished linocuts later this week.

The first set of photographs shows the remarkable similarities between a woman's hairbrush and an echidna.

Santa Sangre Returns Again

2012-01-09T18:46:00.000Z

Here is a wee character image I made for my MPGB blog and to test out my newest "corrupted classic" typeface.

Santa Sangre; Mexican champion of the orphanages, deflowerer of senoritas and wrestler of big horrible seafood entities; will return... in a manner most unexpected!

Green Soup I Drank Whilst Coiled

2012-01-09T18:36:00.000Z

I was ill again today. To begin with I was boiling and then I was freezing. The lump in my neck has not gone away yet. I feel very tired.

I spent a little time (between resting, eating green soup and watching TV shows whilst curled up in bed) colouring some more of my recent illustrations and doodles.

I coloured the replacement "wedding caricature" image for the TMOFS blog tale The Curse of Dobbin Caramichael.

I coloured two new character images for my MPGB blog.

I produced another of my hand-generated typefaces, based on the classic Futura font.

Salt and Pepper

2012-01-08T16:17:00.004Z

To round off the afternoon's blogging, here are two delightful doodles of salt and pepper shaker cats I received for Christmas! Pay attention, these could be relevant to upcoming MPGB stories....

Old Blue Eyes and Pink Spots

2012-01-08T16:14:00.001Z

Just to prove new MPGB characters are on the way, here's a sneak peek at one of them naughty gangster men what frequent violent nightspot The Bloodied Zebra.

Belated Christmas Monster

2012-01-08T16:12:00.002Z

I replaced the temporary image for my story The Christmas Monster Palaver at TMOFS. Didn't want to waste a lot of time on this, or I'll get even further behind.... Plus of course there's the second half of this chilling vignette still to come!

Muted Colour and Swollen Glands

2012-01-08T16:07:00.000Z

Due to a bout of throat gland-expanding viral tomfoolery I have not been at my best but today I sat and coloured some of my recent illustrations.

Here's the replacement image to accompany my festive story The Legend of Santa Sangre at Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards. There's going to be lot more development of this particular narrative strand....

Achievement Unlocked

2012-01-04T20:58:00.001Z

Here's a cheeky impish face, based on a photograph of NASA's famous space chimpanzee Ham. He's wearing a helmet with A R emblazoned on it, as I finished my Action Research report today. I deserve a pat on the back. Actually that would be good, as I have a bad back and a case of the man 'flu!

A Farewell to Temporary Images

2012-01-04T20:55:00.000Z

Happy New Year, Interweblings!

Today I finally finished the wicked research report that has overshadowed my life for the past month. As a result, I will be blogging a lot more. Actually, having a lot of time when I was unable to draw meant I am stuffed full of delightful new ideas for illustrations, stories and surprising what nots.

Over the Christmas break I at least found the time over one breakfast or other to create a few all new character illustrations for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards. They'll be creeping on to that blog very soon.

Being back in the saddle also means no more temporary, unfinished illustrations on the blogs. Hooray!

Discontent Breeds Mouthy Monster

2011-12-28T15:37:00.001Z

Perhaps the longest, broadest, most curved, most excrutiating turd in the history of academia is blocking me from drawing and writing. I must finish this nightmare report off in the next few days but it is turgid, mind numbing crap.

At least this morning I got up early and drew an image that can eventually be coloured and added to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards.

Foxy Ladies

2011-12-26T13:55:00.001Z

Season's greetings to one and all!

I am currently outside my usual scribbling headquarters, without access to my fabulous gadgets. As a result, images uploaded to the blogs over the next week or so will be raw, temporary place-holder illustrations.

Here's a doodle based on a wonderful stuffed fox I saw above the ladies' bogs in a real ale pub during a festive booze session.

Big A On Black

2011-12-17T13:12:00.002Z

Here's another quick test of the new hand-generated and computer-trickeried typeface.

The Ephemeral Man

2011-12-17T13:10:00.004Z

A quick doodle from out of my current sketchbook, spruced up a jot.

A Christmas Drinking I Must Go

2011-12-17T13:08:00.002Z

Here's a little yellow test square for my "new" typeface (based on the pre-existing Bodoni font). I'll be corrupting and adapting it further as I go, as well as doing similar with other classic typefaces.

But now a Christmas drinking I must go.

Consider The Plight Of The Snow Leopard

2011-12-15T18:53:00.000Z

Here's a wee e-card Xmas image I whipped up for the bods at work. No MPGB or TMOFS tonight, it will have to be the weekend. The typeface is part of my hand-generated development of "corruptions" of classic fonts. This one is just a very simple (or derivative, if you prefer) take on Bodoni.

Should Never Be Seen

2011-12-13T21:09:00.001Z

...And to round off the evening's blogging, here's a doodle of a tall cat statue that I discovered on a dusty shelf.

More doodles and "proper" illustrations (and maybe a story, if you're very very good) soon!

Upside Down Green Type Nonsense Doodles

2011-12-13T21:06:00.001Z

Weird face blob crown fireball demon thing with typography. I finally got around to starting a "new" typeface (hand-generated and adapted from Bodoni).

Doodle Times Are Here Again

2011-12-13T21:03:00.001Z

Lock up your first born sons!

Here's King Herod on the back of an envelope, to counterpoint the "blessed virgin" on the front.

Automatic Scribblings

2011-12-13T21:00:00.002Z

Here's a smoking biro bird man scribble I doodled today. He's contemplating his place in the grand scheme of things.

Blogging The Shit Out Of Xmas

2011-12-13T20:58:00.001Z

I had a very busy, very pleasant weekend but little time to draw anything of consequence. Here are some bits I scribbled over the last few days. Some of these doodles were made in haste whilst my mind was idling in neutral. Some of them were based on ephemera I spotted, some were drawn onto ephemera I got my claws on and some were both. Let's kick off with the virgin Mary, seeing as it's nearly Christmas and all.

There will be more wit and insanity from the adjacent Universe where I keep Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and The Museum of Fragmented Shadows on Thursday.

I Disgust Myself Sometimes

2011-12-03T16:07:00.001Z

I just posted one of the most disgusting, revolting, tawdry little stories I've ever written over at Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards. It's nasty and I think the nastiness stems from my anger at all the premature Christmas crap that abounds, as well as my distaste for unethical media practices (I've been following the Leveson inquiry with interest).

Here's a nice image of some jolly lights and primary coloured skulls to wash away the bad taste. Life is about balance, after all.

Burn Before Reading

2011-12-01T22:25:00.001Z

Last version of the ideas skunk tonight. It's all getting a bit Ray Bradbury. I'm starting to falter due to a three-pronged assault by migraine, a cold and tiredness.

More stories soon on the "sister" blogs... keep 'em peeled!

Exorcise Restraint

2011-12-01T22:19:00.001Z

Here's another quick version of the ideas skunk character that I whipped up tonight.

I got the new Hellboy graphic novel today. Entitled Being Human, it features material previously published in comic book format. There was a nice surprise tucked in there though, a brand new ( I believe) short story by the always excellent Guy Davis. I forgot how excited I get seeing his monster designs.

Thought Poison Be My Antagonist

2011-12-01T22:12:00.001Z

I recently blogged about feeling a bit uninspired due to a visit from the ideas skunk. Well I've been drawing the ideas skunk, as a way to exorcise him. This led to a revelation about how to plug the hole in the narrative I've been working on for a new short picture book idea. I think this creature is going to be one of the antagonists. I'll be posting some sketches, character designs, concepts, doodles, drawings, paintings and prints based on this book idea in the not-too-distant future.

Today was the first day of the rest of my life: My first post-Movember day without a strapping handlebar moustache!

Return To Tartarus

2011-12-01T22:01:00.001Z

Tonight I posted a new character to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and a new story over at The Museum of Fragmented Shadows. Check them out by clicking the links, you pudgy fingered bloglings!

I haven't had a lot of time at home to sit and draw, I've mainly been doodling and making notes whilst on the move in my pocket micro-sketchbook.... so tonight I had a bloody good scribble.

While my dinner (a brand new hybrid casserole and lasagne thing I concocted) was cooking, I once again absently warmed up the old drawing hand with a doodle of my porcelain doggy Richard. I kept it raw and unadorned with colour. Feast your eyes, you trough-swill snaffling miscreants of the hallowed Internets and quake in abject ambivalence at my "Spotted Dick".

A World Beyond Me

2011-11-24T21:57:00.001Z

New Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards, Victorian Teratology Guild monster scientists, monsters and weird oddments appearing soon. Of late I've had a visit from the ideas skunk and he has been wafting somewhat liberal with his thought poison-exuding tail. Hence, no interesting stories, no funnies, no wisecracking in recent times.

Vow: Will rectify above situation and nullify ideas skunk.

The Pawn Always Makes The Tea Around Here

2011-11-24T21:51:00.001Z

Just a quick doodle to warm up the old drawing hand.

Felt a bit taken for granted today. Weep.

Am intending to post at least one new Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards character tomorrow night.

There's More To It Than Just Colouring In

2011-11-21T22:06:00.001Z

I haven't had chance to draw anything pretty, weird or pretty weird yet this week. Neither have I had time to write anything peculiar for MPGB or TMOFS. Rest assured, I'll redouble my efforts. To tide you over, my sweet, hungry, peeping little Internet birdlings, here's a recent practice for a linocut on a bit of scrap brown envelope paper. Nibble at it with your eyes.

Blog Post 470

2011-11-16T22:11:00.001Z

What can I say? I just felt like drawing a pug.

Tomorrow is the private view of the Seen & Unseen exhibition in Liverpool, which I am quite excited about. It will be interesting to see what people make of my linocuts.

How I Will Contact You

2011-11-16T22:08:00.001Z

Quick doodle of a courier weasel. I can't imagine these guys would catch on. Still, a boy can dream....

He Is As Yet Nameless

2011-11-15T22:00:00.001Z

Here's a doodle based on a present from my friend and occasional psychoanalyst. My pal recently returned from Antigua with a marvellous wooden zebra puppet for me.

Tonight I was surfing the Internet while eating salt and pepper squid (now regretting this meal choice). My rambling virtual double-clicks and aimless dawdling bookmark perambulations brought to my attention that the website Hermit Editions has now released two of my linoleum prints for sale online!

To buy, buy, buy some beautiful black and white robots or inky human skulls do not tarry! Check out the below link....

http://www.hermiteditions.com/prints/linocut.html

It's also two days until the Seen & Unseen exhibition launches. Quite a week for hand pressed linoleum printing!

Monday's Doodle

2011-11-14T21:46:00.001Z

Tonight after work but before sausage casserole I had to take some lino, prints and sketchbooks over to the university. I have a couple of bits of recent work in an exhibition that opens on Thursday.

The brief for the show was open but based around showing the initial sketches, design process and finished outcome of either a personal project or a commissioned piece of illustration. The exhibition is called Seen and Unseen. It features work by around ten or so illustrators and from what little I saw of the gallery space and work submitted, it should be an interesting collection of eclectic prints, drawings, doodles, sketches, posters, vinyls, etc....

Breeding Not Unlike

2011-11-13T22:24:00.001Z

The final post this evening is a solo version of the wooden rabbit character with a burnt head, only featuring a different coloured background (specifically girly pink)... you know, for laughs and fun and like stuff and whatevers.

Teapot Cat Returns

2011-11-13T22:18:00.001Z

...And now back to the ephemera. Took me a while to locate the images, as I'd plopped them in the wrong folder earlier today. Here's a version of the charming cat teapot on some very old lined paper from a rather beautiful audit book I keep by my bed.

What Are You Talking About?

2011-11-13T22:02:00.001Z

To accompany the sketchbook cover, here's the interior title page. Yet more skulls. It's called What I am Talking About because I have a friend who often has literally no clue what I'm going on about... or maybe she just tunes out my nonsense!

Square Faces And Round Chest Holes

2011-11-13T21:47:00.001Z

Here's the cover to my latest sketchbook, XXXVIII: What I Am Talking About. More skulls. Becoming a bit of a recurrent motif. Also I think I still had some unresolved Aztec stuff going on after the market stall fiasco in September!

Quiet Sunday

2011-11-13T21:40:00.001Z

Bridging the cutesy folksy ephemera and other, um, less savoury Interweb reference points, here's a vulgar little doodle for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards. Again, the cool wooden crocodile mask is based on a piece from my pal's flat. The body is... not.

repeat pattern lapin

2011-11-13T21:34:00.001Z

Next up we have a "repeat pattern lapin". This is another illustration based on one of the weird and wonderful objects my friends have collected on their travels to exotic places. He's a slightly burnt decorative wooden rabbit!

Blog Post 460

2011-11-13T21:19:00.001Z

In a moment I have to draw a human skull line drawing to go on a record. Just time before I do that to post some of the treats I came up with this morning (while hungover). These illustrations are based on cool / weird ephemera in my pal's flat. First up, here's an odd little dog jug character. I changed the items he's carrying to a floppy pencil and a sharpener. It's a visual metaphor!

A Response To Criticism And Stimuli

2011-11-13T12:51:00.001Z

I've had a very productive morning, having woken up early with a hangover that prevented me from staying in bed. Four cups of tea, a glass of water and a bowl of cereal later, I have drawn five new images for the blogs. I will post them when they are coloured and ready.

Earlier this week a gentleman told me that my work was not suitable for children. It is too creepy, too sinister, too cynical, too vulgar, too dark. So in response here's a gaudy tea pot shaped like a cat!

Bed and Brecht Fast

2011-11-09T22:25:00.002Z

Tonight I wrote a new entry in The Museum of Fragmented Shadows.

This one details the initial discovery of Varnak, hometown of the vampires.

I drew a new character for MPGB.

I doodled.

Now I must read some of Brecht's Mother Courage and Her Children before bed.

Nobody Understands You

2011-11-08T23:44:00.000Z

Today someone made me so angry that when I got home I ate three chocolate Hob Nob biscuits using particularly large, aggressive bites. I also swore repeatedly.

After Big Lasagne Must Come Sleep

2011-11-06T22:20:00.000Z

I had a fun weekend and managed to get hold of the new pens I ordered. So refreshed of ink and nib I will hopefully be adding more weird stories to The Museum of Fragmented Shadows and Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards in the next few days.

This Has Nowt To Do With Captain America

2011-11-03T22:22:00.003Z

Red skull variant image without "tits".

Thinking My Way Out Of A Paper Bag

2011-11-03T22:20:00.002Z

Curious things await you in life. Yesterday I had a text asking if I had any drawings of skulls...thankfully not from the police. Today I went to the art shop to replace my dying pens and they didn't have any, so I had to put in an order with another branch. Tonight I printed some beautiful blue tits. Funny how these experiences percolate, coagulate, congeal and entangle one another when I sit down with my sketchbook.

Tonight I have dispensed with paragraphs*.

*(he said in a new paragraph)

I Ask If You're Okay Because I Care If You're Okay

2011-11-02T23:14:00.000Z

Just a quickie coloured doodle before I go to bed, as I haven't been keeping up with my blogs. Must try harder!

As I haven't had time to draw on a night my doodles have crept in at work. I've got to stop myself drawing on post-it notes during lunch, or pretty soon I'll be wading through the fluorescent detritus of my brain at idle play.

Worse still, I have got to stop drinking and then trying to draw, the results are ghastly.

Jolly Little Birds

2011-10-25T18:12:00.001+01:00

Today I inked and coloured this charming, harmless image of some jolly little birds sharing a bush with some rather delectable berries.

Time for pie and then I'll draw out an image on lino for a new print.

Meat and Muses

2011-10-24T18:42:00.001+01:00

Having lunched upon a very meaty mixed grill, this evening I wrote Young Gibbongs and the Erlking, which I have since posted at TMOFS. I have one more monster and a couple of "Bastards" left until I've finally rid myself of my summer stockpile. Here's a sneak peek at an all new, upcoming monstrous entity....

Tonight after consuming sausage casserole I will start a large full colour drawing that came to my mind fully formed right before bed last night.

A Cautionary Tale of Parallel World Hopping

2011-10-23T21:29:00.000+01:00

Today I added my fortieth thingy to The Museum of Fragmented Shadows and the one hundred and fiftieth character to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards. Cue party poppers, paper hats and self-congratulatory contortionistic backslapping.

I did all this (and some pencil sketches of blue tits) despite getting sidetracked by watching the entire first season box set of The Big Bang Theory over the last two days.

Next week I have more time to draw and print, so there should be a jump in the number of posts coming your way.

Multi-Tasker With A Lemon Yellow Brain

2011-10-23T13:20:00.001+01:00

Lots to do today. Need tentacles.

Always Serving Hot Drinks It Seems

2011-10-20T23:19:00.002+01:00

I figured I'd jettison the doodles I coloured tonight, otherwise I might get lazy and not do more scribbles right away.

This quick doodle was hastily adapted from the cover of my current sketchbook, XXXVII. It has a long-winded and mawkish subtitle that I'm too embarrassed to type out here. I was feeling a bit down when I started it.

I haven't been doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING creative during this recent lull in blog activity. On the bus to work I've been designing some characters and writing a short story for a personal book project I want to develop. Today I had an epiphany, a real bolt from the blue moment. The story should all start to snap into place now....

Flap You Little Yellow Bastards

2011-10-20T23:11:00.001+01:00

Here's another colour variant, this time of those delightful little flapping birds.

Last weekend I saw a tramp smoke a cigarette in a phone box. It was unusually warm and dry for the time of year, with no wind at all. Why did he do it? Those tramp scamps and their mysteries!

Supposition: Most urinals are non-smoking these days.

Such Sights We Will Encounter In My Mind-Labyrinth

2011-10-20T23:04:00.001+01:00

Something snapped in me today. I bought a cheese and onion pasty and a strawberry tart for my lunch after weeks and weeks of being super healthy and eating salads. This led to further treats after work, when I went shopping for some new clothes. Naughty. Cheered me up though.

Here's a repugnant little scribble man I doodled a few nights ago whilst watching either Come Dine With Me or Grand Designs.

Flappers

2011-10-20T23:00:00.000+01:00

Here's another jolly little pattern I made tonight, again using some tiny little doodles from my sketchbook.

Purple But Otherwise Like The Last

2011-10-20T22:57:00.004+01:00

For the sake of variety, here is a colour variant of the little skull pattern image I made earlier out of some sketchbook doodles.

Mind The Tiny Bones

2011-10-20T22:54:00.001+01:00

Apologies, ye stout, massed, huddling, quivering denizens of the teeming interwebular communications nexus, I haven't blug in some time. I've been dead busy... just not on anything drawing-related or in any other way creative, intellectually fulfilling, financially rewarding or joyful.

To illustrate how little I have been experiencing of life's rich tapestry of late, here is an anecdote about insignificance. Last night I was accused of getting angry over a strawberry. I wasn't angry, I wasn't even slightly ticked off or miffed.... I'm just not that weird or tetchy.

Tonight was more interesting. I spoke to several members of my family (an all too rare eventuality) and I managed to catch up on colouring some sketchbook doodles, so normal blogging service shall hopefully resume. I have also neglected the other misshapen fruits of my bloggy-loins, Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and The Museum of Fragmented Shadows. I will remedy this over the weekend.

Here are some skulls. Careful with the bones.

Mild Mannered But Tenacious Guinea Pigs

2011-10-13T21:39:00.001+01:00

You know something is missing in your life when the best part of your working day was the "guinea pigs fighting over a cucumber" video you watched at lunchtime.

The illustration is a deliberately doodlesome, simplistic cartoon that would have appeared (as a very small image) in the abandoned comic. It would have been a cartoon-within-a-cartoon, if you will.

From Out and Over My Head They Vex

2011-10-12T21:40:00.001+01:00

Tonight I broke ground on a very dull piece of paperwork and then continued designing a very exciting and classical-looking large scale illustration just for the heck of it.

Guess which one I enjoyed the most?

It's frustrating because I can see the image in my head and the colours are very specific. The lines are very clean. I'll have to design every element fully before I sit down and draw it out. That said, I don't know when I'll find the time to sit for an extended period and draw like I need to... not with that dull paperwork still hovering over me.

The illustration above is yet another character from my abandoned short comic.

All That's Left

2011-10-11T21:59:00.001+01:00

A witty, pithy and wonderful friend of mine today enquired frothy-jokingly, "Aren't you Adam Paxman?"

"I used to be", I replied with a rueful honk-snarl. Then, waving my hands about myself, as if to motion my entirety as a shameful excuse for a cobbled together assemblage of left over organs and neuroses, "This... is all that's left."

I'm hoping the Kissinger TV interview will cheer me up.

This is no way to be on the momentous 450th blog post, I hear you warble. Well, quite. New and wonderful treats and surprises are doubtless in store. The 150th Glorious Bastard and the 40th TMOFS monster are both imminent, and I'm sure I can rustle up some other unexpected delights soon too.

Perhaps I am still Adam Paxman, after all.

Such Dry Things

2011-10-10T21:38:00.000+01:00

What am I doing tonight? Not very much, as it turns out.

My brain started to squeal as soon as I tried to write about research methodologies and quantitative data analysis. 9pm post hot chocolate is perhaps not the best time to begin bothering about such dry things.

Instead here is a look at a decidedly wet character from the abandoned short comic I was working on last month, until life decided to kneecap me and leave me in a gloomy depression soup puddle, thrashing about amidst the croutons of despair. The composition was a cheeky reference to the gorgeous work of artist J.W. Waterhouse. The hand gun, wind break, sausage rolls, blanket and pork pies were my own whimsical conjurations, though they all served their part in the narrative.

My One Big Regret

2011-10-09T21:20:00.000+01:00

Today I posted new characters to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and The Museum of Fragmented Shadows. Both involve a fiery end, which can probably be explained by my burning a pan of pasta earlier in the week. Mistakes play on my mind and feed back into what I write. Certain mistakes, however, will dog me for ever. They are a spiritual poison, a mind killer, damnation.

Perhaps the most exciting thing I did today was to order three large tubes of block printing ink. This should serve as an apposite indication of just how truly dull my day has been.

I've been having a rough old time of it lately and I'm still not feeling quite myself. My creativity has been stifled as a direct result. I've also grown bored of working through the stack of summer drawings I did for the MPGB and TMOFS blogs, so am conscious that the stories may also be suffering from my lack of interest and focus. I'll try to get them all sorted as briskly as possible, so I can get back on track with some brand new and riveting "episodes".

A minor milestone is just around the corner - my one hundred and fiftieth character for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards. I'll try to make it not suck!

Fuck You Cosmos

2011-10-09T17:24:00.000+01:00

This weekend there have been plenty of moments when the Universe has seemed to be beating me up or telling me to give in. From the rudest woman in the world, who served me at the Post Office yesterday and showed me that manners are dead, to the road closures caused by the marathon preventing me from going to see the Magritte exhibition at the Tate today. The evidence is all around.

I've had precious little time to draw this week and what time I had, I squandered. I have been feeling severe energy slumps after work, I assume due to changes in the weather. Hopefully I'll equal out soon.

Fragment Consider Revising

2011-10-05T22:06:00.000+01:00

I was working on a short graphic story for a competition but I'm way too busy with all of my millions of other things to finish it in time for the deadline. Here is one of the illustrations that would have been squeezed into a panel on the first page. Maybe I'll finish it in time, just for fun....

Old But Good

2011-10-02T22:06:00.000+01:00

Not only am I old but good (despite what some people may think) but also this line drawing from two years ago is pretty old and good. I did it for a friend who is "a real sushi monster".

My left eye stopped working earlier, I can't get it to focus. Probably nothing but annoying nonetheless.

Your Damned Spaces Beyond The Stars

2011-09-26T23:27:00.000+01:00

Last week was an appalling disaster on every conceivable level.

This week has already proven to be mixed. I got screwed out of a quid but found a quid. I drank too much tea, too much hot chocolate and I ate too many sausages.

Other things happened too, I'm sure. Significant things, no doubt. Perhaps even some out and out good things. I therefore wait with baited breath for a condor made of Fate's own shit to swoop into my mouth and pluck out my tongue.

Tonight I added a new character to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and one to The Museum of Fragmented Shadows.

Biting Your Tongue Clean Through

2011-09-21T22:37:00.000+01:00

Tonight I added a new monster to my blog The Museum of Fragmented Shadows. Check him out if you dare!

Sometimes people are dicks to you and you find you just don't have the energy to rise above it or to bite your tongue anymore.

Missing Time

2011-09-21T22:28:00.000+01:00

Today I experienced my second bout of missing time in a month. It is a distinctly unsettling sensation and I cannot say I recommend it.

Tonight I carved out part of another lino print for Saturday's art market. I have one more to carve and then I can print those two together tomorrow night. I may well get a bit of time to do some quick drawings too.

Stop Being So Damn Nice

2011-09-20T23:51:00.000+01:00

The art market I tentatively mentioned is on this Saturday between 12pm and 6pm. It will be held in Castle Street in Liverpool. I will be selling various prints and (if I get time to draw them) some inky drawings. My friend Marie will also be touting her wares, including bespoke wallpaper and writing kits. Come along, one and all!

Today I had "one of those days". You can only be treated like a piece of shit by people for so long before you ultimately have to scrape yourself off the floor and stop being so damn nice.

There Will Be Vampires

2011-09-18T22:45:00.000+01:00

My four hundred and thirtieth blog post.

Today I hand printed lots and lots of my first batch of lino prints for the art market next Saturday. I ran out of space to put the ones that were drying, there were so many. I also cooked a delightful honey pork dish that finally rid the house of its smoke smell/flavour.

Tomorrow I need to add a second colour layer to some of the prints and I must start drawing out my second batch of designs.

I added a couple of new stories to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards and The Museum of Fragmented Shadows yesterday. I'll be busy this coming week but will try to add some more. There's still a huge backlog of illustrations for each that I did on my holidays and I haven't added yet.

One spoiler: There will be vampires. Don't worry, we're not talking brooding teenage glitter vamps.

The House of Smoke

2011-09-17T16:37:00.000+01:00

Last night my housemate left a pan of pasta on the hob for over half an hour and set off the smoke alarm. Smoke inhalation is not fun. Neither is having to keep all the windows open to air out the house. I feel as though I've smoked a carton of cigarettes.

Today I have been working on the first three lino cuts for next week's art market. I will be trying to get as many of these printed tomorrow as possible. Then it will be a case of trying to do the rest in the evenings next week.

Busy, busy.

Too Much Medicine Can Be Damaging

2011-09-15T22:59:00.000+01:00

Today a nearly full bottle of cough medicine leaked in my bag and ruined most of my stuff. I managed to salvage a roll of masking tape, some blank stickers and a packet of migraine tablets.

Tonight I drew some sketches based on Aztec sculpture for the upcoming art market. These will be turned into spiffing two or three colour lino prints in a week. Here's a quick peek at the first doodle....

Undone By Snails

2011-09-14T22:37:00.000+01:00

I am feeling a lot better but I'm very tired. I had a very relaxing day, which helped me get over the rib cracking coughs and the sinuses tighter than a homeless Scotsman.

Tonight I coloured a monster for The Museum of Fragmented Shadows (which will be posted sometime soon) and wrote the short Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards piece Robo Loco (which has already been posted).

I also managed to find a shop that sells the type of lino I like to use for printing in decent sizes, so have begun to think about what images I need to make for that art market stall thing. Staring at the computer screen is making me dizzy, so more in good time....

Like A Damp Armpit

2011-09-14T12:48:00.000+01:00

Last night I thought that if I woke up and felt good, I would treat myself to a wander round the Magritte exhibition at Tate Liverpool.

This morning I felt like a damp armpit. I coughed up something resembling the innards of a Dalek. Now I'm dressed and washed and shaved and clean, I feel a lot better. I have a few errands to run, I am planning to have a rather delicious French treat of a lunch and later, if I am not over-pooped, I will try to add something new and fun to one of the blogs. Or something dank and menacing. Depends on my mood.

I may be selling some artwork (most likely small lino prints and a handful of new drawings) at an art market next week. More details "as they come in".

425: Titles Are Beyond Me Right Now

2011-09-12T22:46:00.000+01:00

I have a rather nasty cold.

I wrote a brief blog post for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards this evening.

More later in the week, when the Paracetamol and cough medicine have had chance to kick in.

Nothing Consequential

2011-09-11T22:12:00.000+01:00

Today I coloured, I drew and I wrote.

I wrote the life and death of Angus Mittenberry for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards, as well as the story of Kaibutsu's atomic fish monster and the tale of Horatio, the green atom stag, for The Museum of Fragmented Shadows.

Now I shall rest.

Choose Your Alliances Carefully

2011-09-11T12:29:00.000+01:00

It doesn't take long to go stir crazy or to begin to exhibit symptoms of cabin fever.

Bin Spider, the large and handsome arachnid who lives suspended on a web connected to my wheelie-bin, seems to be a good omen in my dead yard of uneven, broken concrete and drab weeds. Under his watchful gaze my alpine strawberries have risen, Lazarus-like, from dried-out death.

I'm hoping if I pay Bin Spider protection money he'll keep me safe from that bastard wasp, Yellow Henry!

Sick of colouring and filled with lunchtime sausage I shall now draw some more illustrations for my "short graphic story" thingy. While I do so I'll try to have a think about some new stories and post them later.

Coulrophobics Look Away Now

2011-09-11T11:23:00.000+01:00

What a cold, grey, miserable day.

A Buzzing Knocking Ordeal Without A Sting

2011-09-11T10:51:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I was attacked by a rather confused and angry wasp. For some reason wasps are attracted to my glasses and try to lodge themselves between my glasses and my eyes. Obviously, this is less than ideal. The wasp chased me around my bedroom a few times and then I managed to coax it out onto the landing. I then trapped my attacker outside my room with a well-timed closing of the door. I sat back down at my computer, feeling like I'd accomplished something for once in my misbegotten life, to continue colouring. Like something out of Edgar Allan Poe, however, the wasp, undeterred, attempted to use its own body as a battering ram and repeatedly, methodically, maddeningly knocked at the door. I have never been afraid of wasps but this bugger began to terrify me. The ordeal set my teeth on edge and as I sat there, listening intently, between each knock I began counting the length of each silent interval and hoping beyond hope the previous knock would prove to be the last.

Eventually I suppose the wasp got bored and went elsewhere.

A Simple Equation

2011-09-10T22:46:00.000+01:00

The Museum of Fragmented Shadows is about to go all 1950s.

Ennui Becomes Tangible

2011-09-10T22:44:00.000+01:00

I need to get out of the house tomorrow.

A Dull Day Spent Colouring

2011-09-10T22:40:00.000+01:00

I will try to post new stories to The Museum of Fragmented Shadows and Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards tomorrow.

Advice From A Particularly Bitter Experience

2011-09-10T13:19:00.000+01:00

When your mouth is burning and you need a pint of water to get through a plate of singapore vermicelli noodles, the chances are the restaurant has applied way too much salt to your meal. I sat on the bus home last night grimacing and required another pint of water as soon as I got in. Damn you, Noodlebar, you used to be my friend!

I'm hungover, so I'm colouring today but tomorrow I will draw!

Deflated

2011-09-08T22:39:00.000+01:00

I have no energy, not even to blog.

Sometimes something comes along unexpectedly and just completely knocks the stuffing out of you.

More new things to come at the weekend.

Now I must crawl under the covers and sleep.

You Got Heart Kid

2011-09-07T20:55:00.000+01:00

Tonight, after I had consumed my invigoratingly lazy processed food dinner of cheese and bacon kievs, I wrote two new Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards posts. That brings the total number of reprehensible sorts to one hundred and forty. Cue minor fanfare.

Fret not, O timorous Internetlings, there are many more heinous bad-uns percolating in that dank abyssal lobe I laughingly call a brains, cramped up all together in the murk and cerebral swamp grease of half-formed thoughts, ready to gush forth and stink up the place with their wrong-doing.

Now though some more colouring for the short graphic story before bed.

W For Wednesday

2011-09-07T17:32:00.000+01:00

I had plenty of time to draw and colour various bits and pieces today. I will be doing a bit more drawing after dinner but I also hope to write at least one new character biography for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards.

There's a chance I may be selling some Christmas cards and exclusive prints at the end of the month, which is something I will "report on" more thoroughly if it's confirmed and when I know the exact details.

A Funny Thing Happened To Me On My Way To The Blog

2011-09-06T22:29:00.000+01:00

I had a bit of extra time to colour the mound of holiday drawings today. I also coloured one of the panels for the short graphic story, which took a very long time due to its complexity.

I fully intended to write a new story for Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards this evening but watched The Art of Russia on BBC4 and fell asleep. Don't get me wrong, the programme was fantastic. I saw the first half and was thoroughly engrossed... then suddenly it was twenty minutes later and I was somewhat groggily enjoying the ending. This means I will probably have to iPlayer the bit in the middle that I missed. It really was a very exciting, inspirational piece of television.

More new things tomorrow.

Still feeling the effects of that orange.

Allergic Reaction Blamed For All My Failings Today

2011-09-05T23:28:00.000+01:00

All of these captions are true. There were other things that happened to me today. Nice things, fun things, wonderful, magnificent, shining resplendent fantastic things. But alas I ran out of space. The orbs attacking the man are oranges. I was poisoned with oranges yesterday! Poisoning is bad. I lost ten minutes of my memory today and had to be reminded of what I'd been doing. It was weird.

The Frailty Of The Human Heart Is No Match For Atomstag

2011-09-05T23:21:00.000+01:00

I will be adding new Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards characters and some brightly coloured, some might say downright gaudy, atomic age TMOFS monsters this week. Bear with me....

A Mixed Week of Troubling News and Fresh Adventures

2011-09-04T21:57:00.000+01:00

On Wednesday I had a phone call to tell me an old friend from university had died. This guy was irrepressible, funny, easy going and just the nicest sort of person you could ever hope to meet. His death reminded me of how infrequently I now speak to some of the friends I still consider the closest I've ever made in my life, and of how little I tend to express how much the people I care about mean to me.

I produced lots of lino prints this week, which I will talk about another time. I had to print them by hand, as the press I was hoping to use was broken. I worked the roller so hard, I actually got blisters!

This weekend an old friend called me a cynic, I got a bit lost in the woods and I went to the seaside. I lost thirty-eight pence at the Amusement arcades, had some of the best fish and chips of my life and read an animal alphabet book to a baby until she went to sleep.

If there's one thing I know, it's that next week will be different. Also, I'm hoping to post more new stories. Stay tuned, Internets.

Sadder Than A Dead Telepath

2011-08-30T22:20:00.000+01:00

Well, the new running shoes were perfect but my bad ankle gave out before I even managed a canter. Extra stretches helped a bit but I got lapped by a rotund woman (that is not innuendo).

This evening I coloured some of the images for the short graphic story and felt restless, pacing back and forth, back and forth.

Back and forth.

Tomorrow I have to do some lino printing, which will at least get me out of the house. Plus, you know, I get to wear an apron!

Ominous Dark Clouds And Painful Spasms

2011-08-30T16:15:00.000+01:00

Back spasms are your body's way of telling you to take a break from drawing. I'm therefore going to try out my new running shoes. Hopefully they don't cripple me like my old ones.

I posted the story of Goat Face Killer to Mister Paxman's Glorious Bastards earlier and I've been hunched over my drawing board working on that short graphic story.